Waking Up
by SilverWolf7
Summary: Second story in the Gabriel's Recovery series. Gabriel and Rowena meet and talk trauma over sweet tea when neither of them have much success with sleep. Post Episode s13e20


This one is a semi sequel to Settling In. No need to read that one first though. They both can stand alone.

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Waking Up

Sleep was easy enough for Gabriel. He just closed his eyes and after a while he just would stop being awake. It was the waking up that was hard. It always came with the sudden jerk and disorientation of wondering where he was and why.

After years of living in tiny cages with little Grace to keep him going, he had spent a lot of time sleeping in an attempt to avoid more torture. It hadn't worked, because Asmodeus didn't care about things like that, but it gave him an illusion of control he needed to get through the days.

Now he was out, The Colonel and the Goon Squad led by Loki were all dead. He had killed everyone who had hurt him like that.

It didn't help.

He still jerked awake, nightmares plaguing his head as he slept. And, like always, it took him a few seconds for his brain to realise where he was. The Enochian scribbled all over the wall told him that loud and clear. And he remembered the last time he was in this room.

He bounced off the bed, almost landing flat on his face in his scramble to get to the door, open it and get out. By the time he got his fingers working enough to actually open the door some of the knee jerk reaction had left, but he was still being fuelled by panic.

He hated panic.

He opened the door and kept it open. He was in control of what happened to him now. He was in the bunker, the wards were up, improved with the help of a witch who was also living here now and as far as he was concerned no one was going to stop him snooping.

It still took him five minutes of nervously standing in the doorway before he took his first unsteady step out of the room. It was soon followed by another and another until he ended up walking his way slowly to the bunker kitchen.

He liked indulging in food, but it wasn't until he got out of Hell and was on his own how much he had gone without. He'd made himself sick the first time he had eaten a cake after he was free and that had been when his belly was growling at him with hunger he hadn't been able to indulge himself in while his mouth was...

He found himself bent over the sink, breathing deeply and trying to stave off the nausea that had snuck up on him at the thought of eating.

"Ooh, it's the big bird. And look at you, you're in such a tiny vessel. Finally, someone closer to my own height."

He froze at the sound of the voice, before slowly turning his head. A woman with long red hair stood in the doorway of the kitchen, her eyes heavy lidded. He coughed slightly in embarrassment at being caught in such a stupid position.

"Oh, and handsome too."

She walked fully into the room, going over to the kettle and switching it on. Gabriel wondered what the hell she was doing up.

"You must be the witch, Rowena. I was told you were here. Just so you know, I'm going to be horrible company right now."

Rowena went to a shelf, opened it up and pulled out a tin of tea bags. "I know. I'm in the room next to you. Insomnia's a bitch, but you get used to it. Like you get used to the nightmares."

He was told on the long drive back here that Rowena had issues of her own. Trauma caused by his brother, Lucifer. He nodded, stood up as straight as he could and went to the fridge to open it. He wasn't hungry but he still tended to go for food when upset.

Which sucked, because the food he wanted could trigger him. Triggers were the worst.

Thankfully the Winchesters were either junk food of the meaty variety or health nuts. He scanned the contents, glad to find food he'd eat without much trouble and grabbed a mandarin to eat. He joined the witch at the table.

"I didn't even know angels needed sleep, let alone got nightmares."

He blinked at her and frowned. "What, they didn't tell you anything about our last meeting? I'm a little low on juice right now."

Rowena shrugged. "Only that you left and took your precious Grace with you."

Gabriel snorted. "Yeah, precious by everyone it seems. I can't even top myself up without someone wanting to take it from me."

"Now, there's a story there. Want to tell it to me?" She looked at him open and understanding and he didn't understand at all why she would be looking at him like that.

"Why?"

She shrugged again with a little smile on her face. "Why not? I was tortured and killed by Lucifer. He took everything from me because I sent him to the bottom of the bloody ocean when he kidnapped me. And now he's out there and we're supposed to be going hunting for him in case you don't top up fast enough for the boys."

Gabriel shuddered and knew that this was someone who could probably understand. "I was stuck in a cage in the doorway to the gates to Hell for 7 years and was continuously tortured by Asmodeus. He drained me of my Grace over and over again to use as a drug to make himself more powerful. He sewed my mouth shut. He stripped me of my power, all of it. He..."

The witch leaned across the table and patted his hands with her own. "And here the boys are demanding more. Can't be easy."

He shook his head. "It isn't. But at least this time I volunteered. Until my Grace is up more in level, I'll need to eat and sleep. Both of which can be a bit...triggery to me."

"Well join me in a nice cup of tea and see if it helps."

As soon as the words were out of her mouth, the kettle began screaming loudly and he jumped in his seat, before realising what it was.

Maybe agreeing to live here was a bad idea. Ever since he had gotten his revenge he had been a bit lost on what to do next while waiting for his Grace levels to go back up and it was making him jumpy. His heart thudded painfully in his chest as he tried to settle his nerves down to acceptable levels.

He watched as Rowena got up and moved to the kettle, and set about slowly making the tea. It was paler than he thought it was and it wasn't until the smell hit him that he realised it was sweet tea. The witch worked slowly and calmly at the tea, before bringing the two cups she had made to the table, placing one carefully in front of him.

"Sweet tea. It helps put me to sleep when I get like this. It might help you sleep a bit more peaceful."

He reached out for the hot drink, taking a sip of the burning liquid and closed his eyes with a sigh. This was what he needed. Calm understanding company and a hot, sweet drink. It wasn't triggering him, but it fed his sweet tooth that hadn't vanished the moment he gave up on playing Loki.

And he found it made him relaxed and tired. And it wasn't the tired of trying to escape into sleep, or of utter exhaustion like other times. It was natural. The two of them sat in comfortable silence until the tea was all drank, before he got up on his feet and rubbed at eyes he was suddenly having trouble keeping open. "Well, I'm going back to bed. Night..."

"Nighty night, Big Bird. See you in the morning."

He hummed his agreement at that and set back off to his room. He barely even noticed the Enochian story of his life on the walls this time, too keen to get to bed and finally go back to sleep. He curled up under the sheets, clutching one of the pillows to his chest and was fast asleep five minutes later.

For the first time ever, he didn't jerk awake in fear or from nightmares. Instead it was slow, steady and peaceful.

Maybe, just maybe, he could do this without being a monumental screw up.


End file.
